[If President Bush is right about democracy in Iraq] I may, and I don't know if I can physically do this, implode.

I feel like [God]'s hazing us.

What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I?

I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.

I watch a lot of astronaut movies....Mostly Star Wars. And even Han and Chewie use a checklist.

If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it's not politics - and this is, I think, probably a horrible analogy - but I look at politicians as they are doing what inherently they need to do to retain power. Their job is to consolidate power. When you go to the zoo and you see a monkey throwing poop, you go, 'That's what monkeys do, what are you gonna do?' But what I wish the media would do more frequently is say, 'Bad monkey.'

It's the same argument people say about the blogs. The blogs are responsible. No, they're not. The blogs are like anything else. You judge each one based on its own veracity and intelligence and all of that.