[If President Bush is right about democracy in Iraq] I may, and I don't know if I can physically do this, implode.

We have standards. Anybody with the kind of journalism experience and professionalism that you have displayed over these years can not work for my program.

You can buy [John McCain's] book, but in a week and a half, he'll have another.

[John McCain] didn't believe me. I think anybody who's been in a POW camp for five years can - take eight minutes on The Daily Show.

Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.

When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.

If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it's not politics - and this is, I think, probably a horrible analogy - but I look at politicians as they are doing what inherently they need to do to retain power. Their job is to consolidate power. When you go to the zoo and you see a monkey throwing poop, you go, 'That's what monkeys do, what are you gonna do?' But what I wish the media would do more frequently is say, 'Bad monkey.'