Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher?

The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.

California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

It upset me that, five days after the hurricane hit down in New Orleans, the President's plan was for a day of prayer. I would have thought a truck of food. A day of prayer. Now, maybe I'm mistaken here and, again, I'm not a scientific expert, but isn't a hurricane officially an act of God? Isn't a day of prayer kind of redundant? Hasn't God already made up his mind on that sort of thing? So we do a day of prayer. The President has his stupid day of prayer. Three days later, Hurricane Rita hits. Somebody must have said something... something like, is that all you got?

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.