I can't rationalize the brilliance and knowledge that you have about the intricacies of the market with the crazy bullshit I see you do each night.
Jon StewartPeople don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to write jokes about the absurdity that we see in government and the world and all that, and that's it.
Jon StewartYou need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, "Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror."
Jon StewartThere's nothing like a shipwreck to spark the imagination of everyone who was not on that specific ship.
Jon StewartSome people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.
Jon StewartThe next four years, though, you still have to abide by the oversight process that is there to prevent this kind of bizarre sort of cult-like atmosphere that falls along. I mean, I accept that kind of veil of secrecy around Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, but I don't accept that around our government.
Jon Stewart