Stephen Colbert is also then turned into news.

No one is better at not beating America than England.

Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.

[The conversation with John McCain] is not about being a pacifist or- suggesting that you can never have a military solution to things. It's just that, it appears that this is not the smart way to fight this threat.

We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.