We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.

What I like to do is come in, write the entire program and treat my staff to hot stone massages.

I like a lot of wheels. If I could have eight wheels, I would.

I watch a lot of astronaut movies....Mostly Star Wars. And even Han and Chewie use a checklist.

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

The building housing America's military brass is a five-sided pentagon, but somehow, the people in it still manage to make it the squarest place on earth. The latest evidence? A current military document that lists homosexuality as a mental disorder in the same league as mental retardation - noting, of course, the one difference: retarded people can still get into heaven.