When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.

To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!

Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.

College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.

We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.

Here in the U.S., we've made democracy into a science. A cold, impersonal science.

Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented.