When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.

Here it is. My moment of zen.

If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?

I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.

Bush proposed a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Some saw the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others saw it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President... Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter's wedding.

In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America centuries earlier, or that you really can't get credit for discovering a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed civilization. Those people are communists. Columbus discovered America.

Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.