I want a sandwich named after me.

If you are a minority or an interest group, the Democrats will hold the debate at your house. Whereas Republicans take a slightly different approach: they have a big tent - you're just not allowed in it.

Why do I have to follow CNN on Twitter? If I want to follow CNN, I can follow them on CNN.

Here's what I realized about the yam - it's the same colour as a Nerf ball. You may be wondering: 'Is he saying he ate a Nerf ball?'.

It's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights...

Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the year are wiped clean. Beat that with your little Lent. What is Lent? Forty days of absolution. Forty days to one day. Even in sin you're paying retail.

Thus, I've created humour.