That is the American experiment. An ethnic group arriving on America's shores, to be reviled and hazed, living in squalor, or if they are lucky Squalor Heights, working hard to give their children or grandchildren the opportunity to sh*t on the next group landing on our shores.

Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from last year, uh, even if they do like chocolate, they don't want it from their son.

Oh press - must you spread hate? Can't you just stick to being wrong?

Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?

I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.

Poor people have sh*tty lobbyists.

Isn't it amazing what scientists can accomplish when no one makes them stop?