That is the American experiment. An ethnic group arriving on America's shores, to be reviled and hazed, living in squalor, or if they are lucky Squalor Heights, working hard to give their children or grandchildren the opportunity to sh*t on the next group landing on our shores.

I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.

I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."

The Book of Mormon is so good it makes me f**king angry.

Models talk to you for six minutes and they're very nice and they say thank you and then it's off to the larger European men they actually have sex with.

Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!

Technology. It's like science, only useless.