I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.

I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.

Here's the thing about global warming that I didn't realize: it would all happen at once.

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

Attorney General John Ashcroft bid farewell to the Justice Department with a goodbye address. The voluntary resignation came as a bit of a disappointment to the attorney general, who had hoped to be raptured out of office.

I don't have a sort of Amway-esque chart up on my refrigerator or anything.

New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of $100, with an additional mandatory six-month jail sentence if your ringer plays a Latin-themed novelty song.