Gay people can't be proud of the country and want to defend it too. What's the army afraid is going to happen if gay people are in it. Private, shoot that man! I can't, he's adorable.

Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway.

What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?

You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.

Comedy is the only form of entertainment where the audience doesn't know what to expect. In an evening, you might get ten comics doing ten different things. That's not what happens when you go to hear music. There isn't a classical performance followed by a hoedown followed by rap.

It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.

I don't think marijuana should be illegal.