Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.

You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty!

Comedy is the only form of entertainment where the audience doesn't know what to expect. In an evening, you might get ten comics doing ten different things. That's not what happens when you go to hear music. There isn't a classical performance followed by a hoedown followed by rap.

You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F-- you.

The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we eventually get sicker.

My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.

Why do I have to follow CNN on Twitter? If I want to follow CNN, I can follow them on CNN.