The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.

This is what happens when you don't let gays marry; they start designing clothes out of spite.

[President Bush] recently challenged Iraqi soldiers still fighting U.S. troops like so: ... 'My answer is bring 'em on.' For those of you who may be criticizing Bush for acting like a movie cowboy, let me remind you. He's actually acting more like a movie cheerleader.

It's nice to know that [God] can destroy us in a myriad of ways.

No health care for poor kids? You know, I thought something like that was only done by cartoon villains. You're (Pres. Bush) slowly going from being Nixon to Mr. Burns.

I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything.

I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.