The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.

The Department of Homeland Security recommends a three-day supply of water consisting of one bottle per day for each person in your home. Plus one extra bottle to give you all something to kill each other over on day four.

Stephen Colbert is also then turned into news.

The election moment is merely the American public saying, "We'd rather you be President than that guy." That's it.

I think people are used to people in show business having a lot of hubris. I think I have a normal amount of self-loathing but because I'm in show business it's considered self-deprecation. In normal life I would just be considered your average neurotic.

I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.

Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.