You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to be making jokes about that. Who wants to miss out on that? If the world is going to end, I want to be there the night before, goofing off.

No matter what your race, creed or sexual preference, there is a word that people use to describe you that is very nasty. It's what we all have in common. That, and masturbation.

The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.

I know that my job is to perform, it wouldn't be a very interesting show if I just came out one day and said, "I'm going to sit here in a ball and rock back and forth. And won't you join me for a half hour of sadness."

Congress, the legislative stone in America's urethra.

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.