61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.
Jon StewartTo have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
Jon Stewart(Terrorists) are planning to disrupt our democratic process. It's scary I know, but we're not going to let al Qaeda tell us what to do. In fact, our government has decided that if al Qaeda attempts to disrupt our democratic process, we are going to respond by disrupting it first.
Jon StewartThou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
Jon Stewart