The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, 'Way to try!'

The country's 24 hour political pundit perpetual panic conflictinator did not cause our problems but its existence makes solving them that much harder. The press can hold its magnifying up to our problems bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected dangerous flaming ant epidemic. If we amplify everything we hear nothing.

Why do I have to follow CNN on Twitter? If I want to follow CNN, I can follow them on CNN.

Typically, when you're with your friends, premises are coming up left and right. But when you're on stage, you must create the premise. So you have to create the premise, paint the picture and then deliver the punch line.

Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.

Thus, I've created humour.

Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.