I don't trust any country that looks around a continent and says, "Hey, I'll take the frozen part."

The building housing America's military brass is a five-sided pentagon, but somehow, the people in it still manage to make it the squarest place on earth. The latest evidence? A current military document that lists homosexuality as a mental disorder in the same league as mental retardation - noting, of course, the one difference: retarded people can still get into heaven.

Here's the thing about global warming that I didn't realize: it would all happen at once.

I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?

Here it is. My moment of zen.

California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.

In whose delusional mind is democracy made 'better' by allowing wealthy people to control more of it?