Right through to the end of the last World Cup game, I still couldnt bear the thought of not being perfect or letting people down.

I don't like kicking the ball a lot.

I know that Martin Johnson [the England coach] was in the stands, but I didn't feel it was up to me to impress them. He and his assistant [Brian Smith] were here to support me.

What I am proud of is I have searched for the best of me and I have been a team man without fail.

Playing the game, representing the team, giving my all and never letting go has meant everything to me.

I want to be more than just some guy who played in a World Cup final.

When you're obsessive, like me, searching for something unattainable can become unhealthy ... it's like falling through the air and grabbing at the clouds.