I play with a fear of letting my team down. That's what motivates me.

When you're obsessive, like me, searching for something unattainable can become unhealthy ... it's like falling through the air and grabbing at the clouds.

Playing the game, representing the team, giving my all and never letting go has meant everything to me.

To say I have played through four World Cups, two Lions tours, 91 international games and a ridiculous number of injuries and other setbacks gives me an incredibly special feeling of fulfilment. I know myself well enough to know that I will never truly be satisfied.

I know that Martin Johnson [the England coach] was in the stands, but I didn't feel it was up to me to impress them. He and his assistant [Brian Smith] were here to support me.

I'm pretty aware that the pursuit of perfection is, inherently, a flawed concept.

My own position is so far on the obsessive side of preparation and professionalism that I fear my point of view is not going to be shared by anyone.