I know that Martin Johnson [the England coach] was in the stands, but I didn't feel it was up to me to impress them. He and his assistant [Brian Smith] were here to support me.

Right through to the end of the last World Cup game, I still couldnt bear the thought of not being perfect or letting people down.

I would like to wish the England squad every success. I would also very much like to extend those wishes to Martin Johnson, Brian Smith, Mike Ford, John Wells, Graham Rowntree and the rest of the England 2011 World Cup management team who have been fantastic and deserve people to know that.

When you're obsessive, like me, searching for something unattainable can become unhealthy ... it's like falling through the air and grabbing at the clouds.

Playing the game, representing the team, giving my all and never letting go has meant everything to me.

The conversation topic in my head is not what role I should play; it is whether I am going to play at all.

I refuse to go into a fast-food outlet - to use the toilet even - in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought I was sneaking in a quick burger.