Adam invented love at first sight, one of the greatest labor-saving machines the world ever saw.

The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.

The more humble a man is before God the more he will be exalted; the more humble he is before man, the more he will get rode roughshod.

It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of job.

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.