Most everyone seems willing to be a fool himself, but he can't bear to have anyone else one.
The man who has never been tempted doesn't know how dishonest he is.
When you do laugh, open your mouth wide enough for the noise to get out without squealing, throw your head back as though you were going to be shaved, hold on to your false hair with both hands and then laugh till your soul gets thoroughly rested.
Ignorance ain't not knowin' stuff; ignorance is knowin' stuff that AIN'T TRUE.
Self-made men are most always apt to be a little too proud of the job.
The best creed we can have is charity toward the creeds of others.