The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
Friendship is like earthenware, once broken, it can be mended; love is like a mirror, once broken that ends it.
Stupidity,--unconscious ignorance.
Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite
Fortune is like a coquette; if you don't run after her, she will run after you.
When you do laugh, open your mouth wide enough for the noise to get out without squealing, throw your head back as though you were going to be shaved, hold on to your false hair with both hands and then laugh till your soul gets thoroughly rested.