There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.

When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.

Pity cost nothing and ain't worth nothing.

When you do laugh, open your mouth wide enough for the noise to get out without squealing, throw your head back as though you were going to be shaved, hold on to your false hair with both hands and then laugh till your soul gets thoroughly rested.

A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.

Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.

Take the selfishness out of this world and there would be more happiness than we should know what to do with.