It's a wise thing to hold back.

The English like eccentrics. They just don't like them living next door.

My dresser and I have the hots for the new rugby ace Danny Cipriani. We have a shrine in my dressing room - press photos of him on the field looking swarthy and fit, and snaps of our boy emerging from Mayfair nightclubs, looking sexy and dishevelled.

It's a wise thing to hold back.

I didn't think of myself as a tart, but I wouldn't argue with anyone who did

I, as you may know, am no stranger to the organic courgette, but I still cannot work out who these gay footballers are.

I'm not sure how aware of the rest of the world I am. I live a rather sheltered existence