A woman who looks like a girl and thinks like a man is the best sort, the most enjoyable to be and the most pleasurable to have and to hold.

As a kid, I grew to define what I didn't want my life to be like by sitting behind moaning women on the bus, hearing them bang on about their aches and pains, both real and imagined.

Only those who haven't got the wit to speak for themselves would ever want their clothes to do it for them.

My favourite spectator sport is watching people who should know better searching for something, and often claiming to find it, where it never could be. Women claiming to find feminism in Islam is a good one.

What sort of sap doesn't know by now that picture-perfect beauty is all done with smoke and mirrors anyway?

It may be a cliché, but it's true - the build-up to Christmas is so much more pleasurable than the actual day itself.

When the sex war is won prostitutes should be shot as collaborators for their terrible betrayal of all women.