My favourite spectator sport is watching people who should know better searching for something, and often claiming to find it, where it never could be. Women claiming to find feminism in Islam is a good one.

Make no mistake, most women are well aware that they've never had it so good; when they enter a spa or salon, it is purely a hair/nails thing, a prelude to an evening of guilt-free fun.

'Stress' was the catch-all every pamper-pedlar I spoke to used to explain why healthy women feel the need to be regularly patted, petted and preened into a state of babyish beatification.

But just think what a boring, bread-and-milk world this would be without the boastful.

Gluttony and idleness are two of life's great joys, but they are not honourable.

I just have a real problem with people who seek to portray fatness or thinness as moral concepts.

As with most liberal sexual ideas, what makes the world a better place for men invariably makes it a duller and more dangerous place for women.