I won't be going to any New Year's Eve parties because I think they're naff. No one over the age of 15 should bother going to parties.

Amsterdam has more than 150 canals and 1,250 bridges, but it never seems crowded, nor bent and bitter from fleecing the tourist.

Transsexualism is, basically, just another, more drastic twist on the male menopause.

I have always voted Labour and I always will. I have got to have one stupid, bovine part of me and that's the part that votes Labour.

It must be said that Brighton, unlike London, makes driving seem very appealing. Instead of glowering faces and angry horns on all sides, we have the coast road in front of us and the Sussex Downs just 10 minutes behind us.

What sort of sap doesn't know by now that picture-perfect beauty is all done with smoke and mirrors anyway?

Surely being a Professional Beauty - let alone an ageing one - is one of the most insecure and doomed careers imaginable.