I won't be going to any New Year's Eve parties because I think they're naff. No one over the age of 15 should bother going to parties.

Nicole Kidman in particular seems to bring out the butt-kisser in the sassiest of hackettes, as they ceaselessly strive to portray her as some sort of cross between Mother Teresa and Marilyn Monroe.

It's received wisdom that the English are uniquely child-unfriendly.

To believe that one, or even three, mates can supply all the things one needs from one's friends is as stupid as believing married couples must do everything together.

Women, more often than not, do things which aren't remotely relaxing but are all about preening, which is just another sort of work.

It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it's not, it's a visa, and it runs out fast.

One Christmas build-up tradition, however, has totally bypassed me - that of going up to town and doing a show.