You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.

The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out.

Eventually, though, I came to the conclusion that I was the male equivalent of a Toyota Camry. You know: No one ever says, "I have to have a Toyota Camry." But most people who spend some time in a Camry start to like it. "It's pretty reliable," they think. "It doesn't have a lot of problems, and it's not bad to look at. You know what? I'd probably prefer a nicer car. But I can live with a Camry.

I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.

That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.

People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don't know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she's a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don't ignore what you hear.

I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win.