The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.

Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.

That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.

The Internet has really democratized ideas. There are no real gatekeepers any more, because if you have a great idea, and you put it online, people will find it and it will get in front of who it needs to get in front of.

You worry too much. Eat some bacon...what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.

Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.