On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that’s not moving makes you an asshole.
Justin HalpernI kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win.
Justin HalpernWhy would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.
Justin HalpernOh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.
Justin HalpernI just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.
Justin HalpernWhat Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.
Justin Halpern