I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.

I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win.

When it's asshole-tightening time, that's when you see what people are made of. Or at least what their asshole is made of.

You worry too much. Eat some bacon...what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.

You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit.

What Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.

There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it.