The discovery of the North Pole is one of those realities which could not be avoided. It is the wages which human perseverance pays itself when it thinks that something is taking too long. The world needed a discoverer of the North Pole, and in all areas of social activity, merit was less important here than opportunity.

Morality is a burglar's tool whose merit lies in never being left behind at the scene of the crime.

Since the law prohibits the keeping of wild animals and I get no enjoyment from pets, I prefer to remain unmarried.

Culture is the tacit agreement to let the means of subsistence disappear behind the purpose of existence.

I like to hold a monologue with women. But a dialogue with myself is more stimulating.

A healthy man is content with a woman. An erotic man is content with a stocking to get to a woman. A sick man is content with thestocking.

Through my satire I make little people so big that afterwards they are worthy objects of my satire and no one can reproach me any longer.