Satire chooses and knows no objects. It arises by fleeing from them and their forcing themselves upon it.

Artists have a right to be modest and a duty to be vain.

If one reads a newspaper only for information, one does not learn the truth, not even the truth about the paper. The truth is that the newspaper is not a statement of contents but the contents themselves; and more than that, it is an instigator.

Since the law prohibits the keeping of wild animals and I get no enjoyment from pets, I prefer to remain unmarried.

A good writer does not receive anywhere near the number of poison-pen letters that is commonly assumed. Among a hundred jackassesthere are not ten who will admit to being jackasses, and at most one who will put it in writing.

Culture is the tacit agreement to let the means of subsistence disappear behind the purpose of existence.

Ideas are transplanted by splitting, thoughts by sprouting.