I used to think the only use for sport was to give small boys something else to kick besides me.

I blame Rousseau, myself. "Man is born free", indeed. Man is not born free, he is born attached to his mother by a cord and is not capable of looking after himself for at least seven years (seventy in some cases).

I am all for people having their heart in the right place; but the right place for a heart is not inside the head.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

Does anybody who gave up smoking to save a pound a week have a pound at the end of the week? Not on your life.

Things a mother should know: how to comfort a son without exactly saying Daddy was wrong.

Perennials are the ones that grow like weeds, biennials are the ones that die this year instead of next and hardy annuals are the ones that never come up at all.