People get a bad impression of it [the English climate] by continually trying to treat it as if it was a bank clerk, who ought to be on time on Tuesday next, instead of philosophically seeing it as a painter, who may do anything so long as you don't try to predict what.

It's a pity more men are not bastards by birth instead of vocation.

Does anybody who gave up smoking to save a pound a week have a pound at the end of the week? Not on your life.

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.

As anyone who has ever fallen foul of an airport, a conventional hospital or a bad restaurant knows, misery is made up of little things.

One reason you are stricken when your parents die is that the audience you've been aiming at all your life - shocking it, pleasing it - has suddenly left the theater.

I wouldn't say when you've seen one Western you've seen the lot; but when you've seen the lot you get the feeling you've seen one.