As anyone who has ever fallen foul of an airport, a conventional hospital or a bad restaurant knows, misery is made up of little things.

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.

It beats me how Freud could say "What do women want?" as if we all must want the same thing.

It would be nice to think that a censor could allow a genuine work of artistic seriousness and ban a titillating piece of sadism, but it would take a miracle to make such a distinction stick.

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing?

As I look around the West End these days, it seems to me that outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in.

I blame Rousseau, myself. "Man is born free", indeed. Man is not born free, he is born attached to his mother by a cord and is not capable of looking after himself for at least seven years (seventy in some cases).