I'm a grown man. I do whatever I feel like doing with my hair. And if for some reason you feel like there's a magnet and you should have something to say to me, then more power to you. I hope you're prepared.

There's only winning and losing, and in our society, as in all societies, there's the person that's doing the winning, or there's the person that's facilitating the winning.

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!

Invisibility is the only thing that fame cost me. I used to be able to go places and blend in. Anonymity is something you lose on this side of things.

All comedy comes from a dark place.

A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and got big.