You can't even go to Heaven if you get killed by Spinach, you can't even go. You don't even know what to tell Jesus. You Just 'You know what Jesus, I did have a salad, I really Did I- I Didn't know what I was thinking about.

My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

He comes back with the script, and it's racist like a 1940's Newspaper.

All comedy comes from a dark place.

My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!

A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and got big.

I have yet to meet someone who was successful who was even slightly negative. That comes from a muscle training. You can work on negativity and weed it out of your life. I've noticed that all of the people who acted as if they were going to be gone too soon, were gone too soon.