The past is something for you to learn from and the future is something that you hope is going to happen, but I'm always speaking to my actual fans in present tense.

America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.

Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherf***ers, it'll be your last headache.

My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

I think pimp, therefore i am.

My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!

All comedy comes from a dark place.