Sleeping is not something I do a lot of.

If you're a waiter and you're waiting on me, you might get five percent, you might get seventy percent. It depends on how bad my math skills are that day.

If I feel any sort of emotional upheaval, I go for a jog and I feel better.

When I'm at work, I'm remembering what I forgot to do for the kids, and when I'm with the kids, I'm remembering what I forgot to do at work.

I'd rather not have a moment when I'm known for my looks; being funny and interesting lasts longer.

I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously.

I'll quit tanning when the satchel handle grows out of my back.