When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.

I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.'

Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.