Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.

I think I sent out some résumés for marketing jobs, and they all came back in the mail because I didn't have enough postage.

I've noticed a surge when I go out somewhere, or if I'm doing stand-up.

I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn’t see that as a job description anywhere.

Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.

I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they're very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage. That's one of the reasons people watch the Super Bowl. A lot of them watch it to see the commercials and not the actual game.

I'd been doing some light-beer commercials for Budweiser and Coors, and I was doing stand-up comedy. I wanted to get into the acting world, and my agent sent me on audition and they liked it.