A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married.

When a woman says, 'I don't wish to mention any names', it means it ain't necessary to mention any names.

No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.

I will say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that is more than I can say for prosperity.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.