Just because you saw a vampire doesn't mean that a snowman or a Loch Ness Monster also exists.

I think being funny had something to do with feeling like an outsider, not feeling cool - insecurity.

I was on this path to becoming a computer-science guy, but I didn't like it. I got no joy from it. It was very, very scary. It was suffocating to think that I was just going to do this thing for the rest of my life.

The plan was always to come to America, because Pakistan's a scary place. They don't have religious freedom. It's very poor, and there's a lot of violence and corruption.

It wasn't until I moved to New York that I decided to make a conscious effort to be myself.

My stories take three or four months to fix, and it's not magical of a process. Ultimately it's a boring, difficult process. I write everything out, and then the parts I think are funny I put in bold. Then I go perform it. Then the parts that aren't funny, I unbold them.

I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online.