I'm not a drug salesman. I'm a writer." "What makes you think a writer isn't a drug salesman?

They do not love one another because they do not love themselves.

I paraphrase Aristotle: If you want to be comical, write about people to whom the audience can feel superior; if you want to be tragical, write about at least one person to whom the audience is bound to feel inferior, and no fair having human problems solved by dumb luck or heavenly intervention.

We're a terribly lonesome society. For all I know, all societies are. You can make a few new friends, that's all. You can't change history. History is happening to us now.

There is no good reason good can't triumph over evil, if only angels will get organized along the lines of the mafia.

I'm eighty-three and I've been smoking since I was eleven. I'm suing the cigarette company because it promised to kill me and it hasn't.

If it weren't for the people always getting tangled up with the machinery... Earth would be an engineer's paradise.