When you see yourself quoted in print and you’re sorry you said it, it suddenly becomes a misquotation.

Don't worry about middle age: you'll outgrow it.

. . . if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.

Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions-everyone but a school bus driver.

Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form

My problem is I say what I'm thinking before I think what I'm saying.

Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults, but if he has faults how can he be perfect?