I have more faith in my bra than I have in my accountant.

Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them.

You're fighting a battle of good and evil with your dog pimp! Your only weapon is the shimmy! There is power in the shimmy! Make him fear your shimmy! Now, goddamnit, show me your war shimmy!

Everyone knows there's only one thing less welcome on a stage than a mime, and that's a clown, because everyone knows that clowns eat people.

I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last day of my estate sale simply to discover that all remaining items had copious amounts of dog hair on them.

If you really believe in what you're doing, work hard, take nothing personally, and if something blocks your route, find another. Never give up.

Books are to me as homemade tattoos are to an inmate. Can't get enough of them.