I have more faith in my bra than I have in my accountant.

I have more faith in my bra than I have in my accountant.

Books are to me as homemade tattoos are to an inmate. Can't get enough of them.

If you really believe in what you're doing, work hard, take nothing personally, and if something blocks your route, find another. Never give up.

Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them.

You're fighting a battle of good and evil with your dog pimp! Your only weapon is the shimmy! There is power in the shimmy! Make him fear your shimmy! Now, goddamnit, show me your war shimmy!

Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touching--and does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny book.