You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.