Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.

You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.

Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".

There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.