Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish