Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.

There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.

I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.

What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.