If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.

Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

Communism is like one big phone company.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.